Press Play
by inyourarmsnow
Summary: The box read "Merlin and Arthur, til death do us part, and even longer after that." At the time, they didn't know how real that concept was.
1. Chapter 1

**Just finished this an hour ago and really wanted to upload it. I got the concept from the song 'Blue Cassette' by Friendly Fires and thought it was really intriguing!.  
>My writing playlist:<br>Set Fire To the Third Bar - Snow Patrol  
>Blue Cassette - Friendly Fires<br>Love Make - Dog and Panther  
>Radical Face - Wrapped in Piano Strings<br>Breathe Me - Sia**

**So yeah, suggested listening I guess haha. Enjoy!**

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><p>He was sitting in the grass of their backyard. In front of him was a freshly dug hole, surrounded by scattered piles of dirt. The shovel lay forgotten to his side. His fingernails were smeared with the brownness of the earth. The box, unearthed and discolored with age, sat heavily in his lap. His chest ached. His hands shook. He hadn't blinked in minutes, just sat there, staring at it.<p>

_Merlin and Arthur, til death do us part, and even longer after that. June the 9__th__, 2001._

The words echoed painfully in his head. _Til death do us part, til death do us part._ At the time, they didn't know how real that concept was. Slowly, shakily, he opened the lid of the box but didn't yet look inside. He couldn't.

In primary school when the teachers told you that the earth was moving, spinning beneath your feet at this very moment, moving thousands of kilometers every hour, you just couldn't believe it. It seemed impossible that something that big can be moving _that_ fast and no one notices.

For months after it happened, it was like he could feel it. The earth moving. Suddenly his world, which had seemed so perfect, so solid and stable and safe, was spinning at thousands of kilometers per hour and he couldn't catch his breath. His head was frantic; his body was numb.

He opened his eyes and ran his fingers down the sides of the open box in his lap. He remembered when they had buried it.

"_I picked out all my favorite photos of us," Merlin had said, twirling absentmindedly on the kitchen stool. Arthur put down his collection of items to go in the box on the counter and walked over to his boyfriend. _

"_You know you can't put that in there." Arthur said, wrapping his hands around Merlin's. The other boy's eyes widened and he looked up at Arthur with a frown. _

"_Why not?" he asked, opening his fingers to reveal his yellow walkman. _

"_Because I know you," Arthur said. "If you put it in there, you're just going to want it back next week and I'm going to have to go out in the middle of the bloody night and dig up this stupid box so you can listen to your tapes." Merlin pouted._

"_It's not a stupid box." Arthur sighed._

"_I'm sorry," he whispered, his forehead falling against Merlin's. His thumbs brushed along the sides of Merlin's wrists._

"_S'ok." He smiled. "Besides, we met over this cassette player, remember?" Arthur smiled; yes, he remembered. "First time I ever came into your father's shop I was so nervous I let you talk me into buying a new cassette player-"_

"_Even though you didn't need one," Arthur interrupted, losing himself in the memory and Merlin's eyes._

"_Even though I didn't need one," Merlin repeated. "I've always said you were too persuasive." Arthur chuckled._

"_I've never heard you complaining before." Merlin rolled his eyes, pulling Arthur to him and capturing his lips._

He took out the stack of photos, aged by the passing of ten years, and looked down at the first one. It was the two of them, their arms around each other, Merlin's face contorted in laughter at something Arthur had just said. They were at Gwen and Lance's engagement party; he recognized their suits. God, their faces looked so young. His hair was brushed and neatly trimmed, not grown out and scruffy and unmanaged; his eyes were a bright shade of blue, so much more alive than they were these days.

His heart lurched. Maybe he wasn't ready for this. He had spent months walking around like a zombie, feeling nothing, saying nothing, doing nothing. Overdoses were frequent. Drinking was expected. But nothing helped. Nothing filled the emptiness that was left after he died. If it weren't for Gwen and Morgana, he probably wouldn't have been able to survive those first few months.

Everyone had said it would get easier, but they were wrong. The black hole that seemed to be devouring him hadn't gotten any smaller. The pain in his chest hadn't gotten any lighter. The constant yelling in his head hadn't gotten any quieter. He had just become numb, to everything, everyone.

He put the photos aside. He would look at them later. He knew each one of them by heart anyways. With trembling fingers he reached into the box, pushing past ticket stubs and a copy of _Othello, _his favorite of Shakespeare's, and pulled out the yellow walkman. His heart dropped. It looked the same as it did the day they buried it. It felt like forever ago.

He traced his fingers along the buttons, worn down from constant use. The color on the edges had rubbed off and left a dull silver in their place. God, he remembered every time they had used this; listening to bad tapes at three in the morning when neither of them could sleep, that night they had slept in a tent in the backyard just to get out of the house, Arthur sitting by Merlin's bedside at the hospital when he got tonsillitis, even though Arthur hated hospitals.

Through the clear front window, he could see the reels of a blue cassette inside. He opened it up slowly and looked down at the front of the tape. Written across it in permanent marker were two words: _PRESS PLAY. _He couldn't remember writing that, in fact it didn't look like his handwriting. He closed the cassette player and his finger instinctively found the play button. Absently, he pushed it down.

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><p><em>AN: part two is on the way, I promise! Comments are lovely and much appreciated, thank you! *hug*<em>


	2. Chapter 2

**Part Two! Hope you enjoy :)**

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><p>At first it was just static, as if the tape was blank. He could hear the rotations turning, the gears straining to work after years without use. Finally he heard something. Someone cleared their throat.<p>

"Um, yeah, I hope this is working-"

_No._

_It can't be. He's dead. Gone._

"So, if you're listening to this, Merlin,"

His breath caught in his chest.

_Merlin. I never thought I'd hear you say my name again, after all these years._

"then something must've happened to me, because I know if I were there I would've snatched this out of your hand before you could even press play."

_If only you knew. Maybe you do. Maybe you're here, watching me listen to this._

He still wasn't breathing. Arthur cleared his throat again.

"Maybe we broke up,"

_Impossible_.

"maybe I'm sick,"

_You were. Not for very long._

"or maybe I've…"

_Died? Left me here all alone, to face this world without you? Abandoned me, when all I wanted to do was spend every day with you until we were old and wrinkled and could barely walk?_

"Well either way, things must not be the same as they are, uh, were, I guess."

_They're not. _

"I'm sorry about that, whatever it is."

_I don't blame you. I could never blame you._

His heart was on fire. He struggled to fill his lungs through the tightness in his chest.

"I don't know why I'm making this,"

_Me either. But it's okay. I miss you._

"but, I guess it's to say…"

_It's good to hear your voice again. I thought I'd forgotten it. It's been so long, Arthur. I don't know how I've survived this far without you._

"that I love you."

The tears burned his cheeks as they fell and he let out a strangled sob. His hands fisted in the fabric of his jeans.

_Please, Arthur-_

"I love you, Merlin, and you know that."

_I know, I know you do._

He let out a harsh breath and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Do you remember our first date?"

_Of course I do. How could I forget?_

"I'm sure you do. You always remember everything."

_That's because you never do…did…_

"Well we went to a little coffee shop, yeah? and God, I was so nervous."

_You weren't the only one._

"You looked…amazing."

_So did you. You were beautiful._

"You were wearing a button down and a tie, which made me feel so underdressed."

_You looked so cute, in your football tee and shorts. _

"It was blue, your tie, I mean. I remember because it brought out your eyes."

_I wore it on our third date as well, do you remember? You insisted on taking it off me on your own._

"I don't know what we talked about exactly, since I drank at least five cups of coffee."

Merlin smiled to himself.

_Every time you noticed that your cup was empty, you would excuse yourself and run up to the counter to get another, and I honestly couldn't imagine ever drinking that much caffeine at once without going completely mental, but somehow you managed._

"My foot wouldn't stop bouncing for a good few days after that, but I couldn't help myself. You made me so nervous,"

_Me? I made you nervous? I had to go home and throw up after that date because you made my stomach flip around so much with that damned smile of yours._

"that every time you looked at me I could feel my face turning red,"

_I remember that. It's not my fault though; I couldn't stop looking at you._

"and I imagined you thought I was such a freak."

_I thought you were perfect. The most perfect guy I had ever seen._

"After our date, I remember I walked you back to your dorm,"

_You held my hand._

"and when we got there, I wanted to ask you out for a second date so badly, but I didn't think you'd say yes,"

_Of course I would've said yes. I was infatuated with you._

"and then you did the weirdest thing."

_Oh?_

"You kissed me."

_That's right. I was tired of you chatting nervously so I decided to shut you up._

"It was…amazing."

_It was our first kiss. I remember how you were completely still at first, like you were scared. Then you opened up._

"Your lips were so soft."

_You tasted like cinnamon and coffee._

"It was my first time kissing a guy before."

_Mine too. You were my first._

"I knew I loved you after that. It was really that moment. You just reached up and grabbed me and just kissed me, and I knew it was you."

_You never told me that. _

_I miss you, Arthur._

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><p><em>AN: Ahh, this was so hard to write, as I was practically crying. But yeah, I hope you enjoyed! Comments are much appreciated, as always :3<em>


	3. Chapter 3 fin

**Final chapter! (I hope this makes sense! I whipped it out in an hour, because I really wanted to finish it, but I have a bit of a cold so my mind isn't thinking too clearly)**

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><p>"We've had some great times since then, haven't we, Merlin?"<p>

His hand reached up to wipe the tears off his cheeks.

_Yeah, Arthur, we have._

"Like Gwaine's pool party?"

_You pulled me into his bedroom when no one was looking. I told you that I didn't want our first time to be on Gwaine's bed, so we just kissed and you held me until the party was over._

"Or when we went to the cinema and just held hands the entire time?"

_Then we found out it wasn't even Gwaine's house to begin with, and the real owners were on holiday._

"I remember the first time you let me stay over."

_Me too. _

"It's been almost five years since then now."

_Only one year left._

"We've bought a house."

_It's so empty without you here. I had to go stay with Gwaine after…. I couldn't stand being alone in there without you._

"You were so adamant about this house, too. You said that it was…charming, and you liked that it had a big yard."

_The yard doesn't seem that big anymore. All the grass has died. It was your favorite, and it died with you._

"I remember how you said that the yard would be nice for our kids one day,"

_It would've been. You would've been a great father._

"and I was so happy when you said that, because I knew, I knew that what I was planning to ask you wasn't too sudden."

_You asked me to marry you. Just three days after we moved in. We hadn't even bought any furniture yet. We were sleeping on a mattress on the floor._

"I asked, if you would be my husband."

Merlin smiled, wiping back some more tears. His whole body ached just from hearing Arthur's voice. He felt like he hadn't slept in months, likely because he hadn't. He hadn't had a good night's sleep since he found out about Arthur's blood clot.

"You said yes. You said yes, Merlin, and in that one word you made me the happiest man alive."

_It had been my dream to marry you, Arthur. Everything about you made me the happiest man alive._

The doctors said it was moving towards his brain. They gave him a month.

"God, Merlin, I love you so bloody much."

His voice broke and Merlin could tell Arthur was crying.

_I know, I know, Arthur._

He wiped the tears from his own eyes.

"So I guess, if you're listening to this, then something must've changed,"

_Everything's changed._

Arthur tried to pretend like nothing was happening. He went to work as usual for about a week until Merlin finally begged him, pleaded, for him not to go.

"and Jesus Merlin, if anything's changed I'm so sorry."

_It's not your fault Arthur. It's not your fault. It's not your fault._

When Arthur finally faced what was happening, he locked himself in his room for two days. Merlin was so worried that he called Morgana and Gwen to come over and try to talk to him.

"I'm so sorry, because everything is so perfect right now,"

When his door finally opened, Merlin was the only one at home. He had rushed upstairs and seen Arthur sitting on the edge of their bed, looking at Merlin, his eyes wide. He was scared.

"but I want you to know something,"

Merlin held him and they cried all night. And Merlin didn't know who was more afraid, him or Arthur.

"I want you to know that you're strong."

_I don't feel strong. I don't feel anything but empty._

"You're stronger than you think you are,"

_I'm not._

"and you can handle whatever life throws at you."

_What about death?_

"I don't want you to give up, Merlin,"

_What if that's all I can do?_

"I want you to keep going,"

_What if I can't?_

"I want you to live, with me, or without me."

_I can't live without you, Arthur. I've tried, but you're my life, and now you're gone._

"Can you do that for me? Can you please, please be strong, for me?"

Merlin pressed his fists to his eyes. No, he tried being strong, and he couldn't do it. He let out a shaky breath and sobbed.

_I'll try. I'll try again._

"All I want, Merlin, is for you to be happy. I _need _you to be happy."

_How can I be happy without you? How can I be happy when I wake up and you're not there? How can I be happy when I don't get to see you smile, or hear your laugh, or feel your breath on my neck?_

"Remember me, love, but move on."

_No. I can't._

"You must. Promise me, Merlin. Promise me that you will keep going, even after I'm gone. Please."

He listened to the pause in the talking, the silence only filled by Arthur's breathing.

_I promise._

They had said that he only had a month. He didn't even last that long.

It took twenty one days.

"Now Merlin, you're about to get home from work, so I have to finish this up."

_No! Please, Arthur, please don't go. Don't leave me again._

Merlin found him in their bed.

"So goodbye, then."

_Don't leave Arthur, please don't leave._

He tried to wake him, but Arthur wouldn't move.

There was no pulse.

He was gone.

"I love you, Merlin, with all my heart, and I will, forever."

_I love you, Arthur. _

_I'll always love you._

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><p><em>AN: Oh god that was really hard to write. I hope you enjoyed it though :) *hug*<em>


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